It's the silly season and in the spirit of silliness, the Labour Party have gone absolutely batshitmental. Democracy... pah! They don't do democracy! They're using the huge pot of cash new Labour members have given them in membership fees to stop the new membership from voting in their leadership election.
And they have loads of cash to splash. From a worrying debt situation in 2015, Labour are now £55m in the black. And that's down to new members cash.
Heads I win tails you lose
Five new members have taken the Labour Party to court. Having won the right to vote in a High Court ruling, the membership now have the added cost of fighting Labour's appeal against their win. They appealed! Using membership money! Again! You couldn't make this stuff up. It's fascinating and cringeworthy in equal measure.
Sticks and stones
Labour have started calling their new members "Jihadists", "Trots", "Dogs", "Rabble" and an "arm-twisting mob" and to add insult to injury, Labour have now grabbed a big brush and are furiously attempting to tar 350,000 new members as the "militant tendency" that Labour threw out in the 1980's.
Elementary my dear Watson
Tom Watson the deputy leader of the party has gone off on a tirade about Corbyn's street meetings as "weaponising boredom". Whit? What does that even mean? Watson has also gone off half-cocked with a ridiculous tale of a letter that Labour members are sending out to people to tell them how to infiltrate the party to ensure it's destruction. Trouble is, Watson used a letter from the 1980's that appeared in Michael Crick's book on the Militant tendency... from the 1980's. Do your homework Tom! Due diligence Tom!
The plotters are racking up a roll call of people who have ruled agianst them: The Speaker, the High Court, the Information Commissioner, the Royal Courts and the ASA. The incompetence is breath-taking.
Bite the hand that feeds
One of Labour's master election strategists, John McTernan, has called upon the Tory Govt (whom he occasionally does gigs for) to crush the RMT. The Labour Party! The Labour Party that was founded by the Trade Union movement as their political arm! This guy is a card carrying member of the Party... and a Blairite.
The Advertising Standards Authority has just ruled that Labour are in breach of their Advertising Standards code by offering membership which offered a vote and then denied a vote for the leadership contest. Look out for the ASA's announcement on their website.
Gie's a go
You're sitting down right?
Owen Smith has asked Corbyn if he can come along to his rallies and address the crowd cos he canny get people to come along to his public speaking events without laying on free ice-cream....
Meanwhile.... in "Special Branch"
The remnants of 'Scattish' Labour have gone off into the red corner and the blue corner and are not talking to each other.... so there! The hapless Ms Dugdale who leads the Accounting Unit is diametrically opposed to her deputy Alex Rowley. She's a Blairite, he's a Corbynista. It's messy. Ice cream and jelly all over the place.
The Banning Blair Affair
Labour's NEC have banned the word "Blairite" and you now can get kicked out of the Labour Party for calling a fellow member a Blairite.
Instead of appointing QCs and Barristers to stop the membership from voting in the leadership election, they should appoint divorce specialists because Labour isn't a big tent... unless you mean a circus.